IEP meetings used to be extremely stressful and sometimes traumatic for me and my wife. This playbook for Better IEP Meetings is part of a “IEP Navigator” framework for getting a better education for your disabled child.

Better IEP meetings won’t change basic problems with your child’s educational program – in fact, they can’t. But what I hope to help you do is getting your parts of your child’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) under control. One of your tools is the IEP meeting – if you use it properly.

I hate meetings. So, if I’m going to go to a meeting, I want it to be as useful as possible. This is the playbook that my wife and I have evolved over 8 years of special education. We’ve made tons of mistakes and my goal is to share our approach so that you can do better. I’ve included our detailed plan, sample emails, and anything else I can think of to help you. I’m sure this isn’t perfect and I welcome your suggestions at disabilityalmanac.com.

You are free to share or modify this information, but I hope you’ll mention us as the source.

We are all in this together.

Steve

PS – There is a nice, printer-friendly version of this document you can download for free. The form is at the bottom of this page or here.

1. Start with Your Mission

In 8 years of IEP meetings, I’ve found a ton of ways to screw them up:

• Multi-part meetings.
• Lawyers.
• Fighting.
• Long meetings.
• UGH!

Over the past three years, my wife and I have come up with an overall IEP strategy that has taken (most of) the stress out of our IEP meetings (even when things are going badly overall)… and it starts with our Educational mission.

Our BIG EducationalMission: The MOST important thing is the actual educational program (partially documented in the Individualized Education Program Agreement) that is delivered to our son in the classroom:

1. The “Team” is critical – Having an educational team that has the Resources, Competence, and Goodwill to educate him.
   
   And:
   
   
2. Creating or improving an IEP Agreement that helps give that team the Resources and short term milestones they need.
   
   And an understanding of our overall Educational Objective which is to:
   
   
3. Ensure our son graduates from high school with a real diploma … or get as close as possible.

(I’ll explain in detail our overall “IEP Navigator” framework in other documents – it’s a “Theory of IEPs”, “Better IEP Agreements”, and other materials– If this is here without a link at disabilityalmanac.com, you either have an old version of this document or I haven’t written them out yet, so feel free to poke me at disabilityalmanac.com!)

If you have a different overall mission and strategy, then this approach may not work… and if you don’t have a strategy, you probably won’t get what you want out of the meeting because you may not know what you want out of the meeting.

Check out Attachment A – What is your Educational Mission? in the downloadable version of this document.

Speaking of which…

What we want out of an IEP meeting?

• Closure of as many residual IEP Agreement issues as possible
• Better communication between school team members (sometimes it seems that they don’t talk to each other about our kids outside of our IEP meetings :( ! )
• ** MOST IMPORTANT -A better relationship with the school team to improve good will if at all possible!!!
• and be done on time (or early) with as few members of the team inconvenienced as much as possible – so they can get back to the critical work of educating our kids!

We do not need to sign the IEP Agreement at the meeting or close all of the issues with the IEP… we do the best we can with the time we have together… and keep things moving for our child.

2. Before the IEP Meeting

Either you or the school district is going to request the IEP meeting. Most likely, the school will request one if there is an annual, triennial, or transition coming up. You will most likely request a meeting if there is a problem or you are requesting an assessment.

I always try to handle as much communication and writing and editing of the IEP Agreement and working of issues outside of the meeting as possible either via person-to-person meetings, calls, or emails.

If you have school team members that will work this way, it is awesome.

If not, it is their party, so their rules.

I always try to give them the option.

2.1 The First Email

My goal with this first email is to start the informal dialog to get things worked out informally so that the meeting is a Lovefest + Signing Ceremony… it never quite works out that way…

(Email templates included in the free downloadable version of this document)

2.1.1 – Requesting an IEP Email Template

2.1.2 – Responding to an IEP meeting notification Email Template

2.1.3 – Requesting an “Emergency IEP meeting” Email Template

2.2 Getting to the IEP Meeting

Depending on your relationship with the school staff, you may be able to work a lot of issues prior to the IEP meeting itself. This is great. Healthy, informal communications are best. They both address concerns so that the meeting goes more easily and they strengthen rapport with the school team members (I strongly recommend Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”).

The school team does have the option to NOT communicate with you (except that you should have the same expectations of ordinary communications as any other general education parent). We’ve worked our IEP agreement collaboratively with some teachers and had others that only gave us part of the document right before the meeting and some of it (most notably proposed services) during the course of the meeting.

This can be very annoying… but it is ultimately the school team’s call – whether you think it is wise or effective or not.

Don’t let it bother you (even though it probably will bother you! It sure does bother me).

If you receive or push for early drafts of the IEP, be responsive! Provide detailed comments and suggestions. If at all possible, provide recommended wording – make it easy for the school to deliver a sign-able IEP.

2.2.1 Before the IEP

We always record the IEP. (I assume you noticed that in the email templates) This is our right under our procedural safeguards*.

We also inform the school team in advance that we aren’t going to sign the IEP at the meeting (we’ll get it back shortly – see below). Hopefully, this takes some of the stress off of the IEP meeting for you.

Treat it as “just a meeting”.

We also don’t bring a lawyer or advocate… though we might consider bringing a “sane friend”.

We don’t bring a lawyer or advocate because we’ve found that if we do, the school brings their lawyer or “A team” as well. This makes the meeting more confrontational and doesn’t gain you anything – and will definitely make the meeting longer.

Your experience and mileage may vary, so you may need or want your lawyer or advocate present….

FYI – my understanding and experience is that you CANNOT be reimbursed for your lawyer or advocate being at the IEP meeting (see separate article on Using Lawyers and Advocates Effectively – if I haven’t published it yet, contact me with your questions).

NOTE – We’ve had a lawyer with us. They did a good job for us overall, but having them at a number of IEP meetings was our mistake (not theirs).

My overall goal is to help you get a better outcome for your child. I’ve definitely advised people to hire lawyers or advocates but not for IEP meetings. At a minimum, my goal with this process should help you have an easier, more productive experience with your advocate or lawyer so that they can do a better job for you.

You may want to bring a friend to help keep the meeting on track, keep you from getting out of control, give you advice, or just taking notes and actions. You should notify the school if anyone is joining you and clearly state they are NOT an advocate or lawyer.

For our family, my wife plays this role. I am the “bad cop”, sometimes get angry, and otherwise derail the meeting (not a great thing). She graciously kicks me under the table to keep things on track.

If at all possible, have more than one person at a meeting. A witness if nothing else. There are substantial advantages to having the husband meaningfully participate – Get your act together guys! (upcoming article or some such on being a better special education dad… our record is not great as a team – Guys!)

2.2.2 The pre-meeting IEP email

Did I say before I hate meetings? The not-great “standard’ IEP meeting agenda we’ve had is:

1. Introductions
2. Say something great about your kid or some such stuff.
3. Start quasi-reading the entire IEP agreement document from the beginning

This is particularly bad as usually they’ve only scheduled an hour to an hour and a half for the meeting… and the IEP agreements we’ve had start with a bunch of boring boilerplate stuff with the most important topics (supports, accommodations, and modifications and services) at the back of the document which we seem to get to with only 10 minutes left. There is also no time allocated to actions and next steps….

Why am I getting into this before we even talk about the meeting itself…

So we can, hopefully, get things on track.

If they don’t propose a useful agenda for the meeting, you need to. Ideally with time breakdowns. You also want to give them as much chance to address topics before or after the meeting itself.

2.2.3 Last Email before IEP Meeting

Full email templates in the free downloadable version of this document.

3. The Meeting

You’re finally at the meeting… well, not quite, you and your spouse or partner, should work out your own agenda for what YOU want to get out of the meeting and prioritize those things.

3.1 The (home) meeting before the Meeting

You probably should have a home “meeting” before the IEP meeting to work your meeting plan out (see Attachment B in the free downloadable version of this document). In addition to your formal objectives for the meeting, you should talk about tactics, address how you deal with different team members, try to anticipate problems as well as your own personality quirks…. And write down your questions, agenda, and such to make sure that they are addressed during the actual meeting.

3.2 The IEP Meeting – finally

Arrive on time or a bit early, make sure you’ve gone to the bathroom. If the location is new, give yourself some extra time.

Whatever you need to be present and ready for your scheduled meeting.

Test your recording method in advance (my wife and I both record the meeting and use the standard app on our iPhones). There is no cost for the redundancy.

3.2 Starting the Meeting

Break the ice, be friendly.

Find a comfortable place a the table or in the conference room.

Relax. It is just a meeting. You aren’t signing anything. If they want to talk (and talk), just politely listen. The stakes are low. Worst case, you’ll nod your head for an hour or so.

Reconfirm that you are starting and recording… and hit REC (and make sure your recording is working)

If they don’t provide a formal agenda, share your plan for the meeting. If they have one, suggest changes to make sure your key objectives are met with plenty of time (for example, walk through any open questions you put together before the meeting).

RED FLAG – the lack of engagement of the general education teacher is a problem. If one isn’t present, ask for someone to speak on behalf of the relevant general education process (up to and including rescheduling the meeting – your call). Try to engage with the general education teacher as much as possible.

3.2.1 Making a successful meeting

If you can arrange things to legitimately let some people out early, do so. Much better that they are back in their classrooms doing their job with your or other kids once they are done (unless you have the team coordination problem).

Make sure at least one of you is monitoring the clock to ensure that what you want covered is covered (you did build your own meeting agenda ?) and that there is time at the end to “Check actions” (THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT).

Don’t get angry. Don’t get frustrated. (Visibly). Just listen. Nothing is being decided here. Ask questions to understand what they are thinking or proposing and why. It isn’t personal (of course it is, this is your child!)… but keep cool and civil.

If things are going badly, your goal is to capture as much as possible in your recording. If someone says something that concerns you say…

“Excuse me, did I understand you to say….”

or

“Just to confirm, that the position of the school district is….”

Give them every chance to say what they are going to say clearly.

DON’T WORRY IF YOU DON’T DO THIS AT THE MEETING – you can always write a follow up email with specific questions and clarifications.

If one of school team says something incorrect, give them a chance to dial it back or double down or to be corrected by someone else….

If you need a lawyer or advocate later (or if you go to due process)… they’ll be grateful that you are making their lives easier.

3.2.2 20-Minute Warning

Set a timer for yourself or watch the clock to keep track of time. Once things get down to 20 minutes, review your agenda and priorities to see that what you need to be addressed in the meeting is addressed.

If you’ve brought your agenda for the meeting, it may be helpful to check things off as you are going along…

There should be no problem with jumping in to be sure that your key issues are addressed – be civil, but firm.

“I have a couple of questions that I’d like to discuss before we wrap up today …”

3.2.3 Ending the Meeting

Before you end the meeting you must:

• Confirm if the IEP that they have provided you for the meeting is the one they want you to review and sign (or not).
• Review any next actions or steps with dates and who is responsible.
• They may, or may not, propose a continuation IEP meeting. Unless it is the next day or so, operate as if you are done and review the IEP provided. At your discretion, be totally willing to NOT have a continuation meeting “… no problem, we’ll provide our comments on this IEP in writing…”.

The key is to get the actual education program for your child as good as possible as fast as possible.

Agree to what you are comfortable agreeing to, don’t agree to anything you aren’t comfortable with.

Nothing is irrevocable.

IEP Agreements can be amended.

Wrap up as positively as possible!

It is just a meeting… keep things as “light” as possible.

3.3 After the Meeting

Focusing on your big goal – which is a meaningful improvement in the actual educational program delivered for your child in the classroom – what you don’t want to do is to get stalled by the meeting process.

So, keep things moving!

3.3.1 PostMortem 1 – your “home team”

After the IEP meeting (Caution – don’t do this while driving home!), review the meeting, any notes each of you have taken, anything you recalled hearing, etc. to capture the important outcomes of the meeting. Also, capture any “red flags” that were said that are of concern to either / any of you.

Do this as soon as possible after the meeting. Do not wait a day.

3.3.2 OPTIONAL – Send in your draft own minutes

If you write these up, send them to the school IEP team – they will appreciate not having to write the meeting notes – especially if you are less likely to object to anything that you yourself have written.

You can certainly put your own spin on the decisions and fill in blanks (such as adding dates for follow up actions if the school didn’t do so)…

3.3.3 Meeting Performance Review

Have a candid review with your spouse / “home team” members who were at the meeting to assess how you did, whether you covered what you wanted, how you read the room and attitude of the school team members… and anything else.

Talk about your plans for the next steps… and write them down!

3.3.4 PostMortem 2 – your school team

If you have good relations with your school team, and maybe if you don’t, try to have an informal talk (or talks) after the IEP meeting to see how it went from their perspective and how you can work together to make things better.

3.3.5 Update the IEP Agreeement ASAP

NOTE – As I write this, the first IEP meeting we had after I completed this document, we stalled out on getting our revisions back to the school district (there are always good excuses.. taxes, my aunt went into the hospital, some support issues with our parents). It is VERY EASY to get distracted – BAD US!

Deliver your Signed (or Signed with Exceptions) or “Stay Put” IEP Agreement as quickly as possible. We add “insert pages” after every page of the IEP for which we have objections so that we can both explain why we disagree and, if at all possible, offer an alternative that we like better (more on this in the IEP Navigator course at disabilityalmanac.com.

In California, the IEP Agreement document has a teeny tiny little box for documenting your exceptions. We basically use that to indicate which pages we have exceptions to. For example, if we have a problem on page 2, we add a “page 2A” that indicates our very specific issues and how those issues can be addressed if there is a way to do so.

We also add a general phrase where we “take no position on any IEP notes provided by the school district. Any changes should be reflected in the body of the IEP agreement or in the recording of the meeting by both parties”.

We NEVER sign the IEP Agreement electronically. We’ve found too many problems with the tool that our school district uses in terms of introducing errors into the IEP agreement. We print it out, interleave in our comment pages, and physically sign the IEP Agreement (virtually always with Exceptions – no guilt). We then scan the whole package and send it back to them as a big, honking PDF as well as a paper copy because we are in the tree-killing business in special education… and we want there to be absolutely NO AMBIGUITY as to what we’ve agreed to and what we haven’t agreed to.

Please work to sign (or not sign) the agreement as quickly as possible if you want any changes to your child’s program. It is also courteous to keep things moving along.

This new IEP Agreement can then serve as a baseline for future amendments (unless the meeting itself resulted in an IEP Agreement Amendment)..

(There is a major upcoming document dissecting IEP Agreements and how we approach them sign up at disabilityalmanac.com to get notified. You can also ask me questions before it is released or just bug me to get it done more quickly!)

Doing Meetings Better

This playbook provides an expanded and somewhat idealized version of the way my wife and I are now handling IEP meetings. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, criticisms, or anything that can help make this playbook clearer and better, please let me know – moc.canamlaytilibasidobfsctd-66f3a7@evets